When was it that I lost my sense of wonder? Only a few months ago, I wrote in my journal about the goofy sense of awe that I inherited from my mother, about the things that cause me to stop and catch my breath.
Here I am, a quarter and a bit of medical school later. Less than one week past Christmas break. I should be refreshed and ready to learn, right?
Wrong.
I’m burnt out. My brain hurts. I begrudgingly attend classes. Did I really at one point anticipate learning each day? I seem to have lost my wonder.
 |
| Ahh... phototransmission... |
I first noticed it the other day when we learned the basics of the biochemistry of vision. Something that is so ridiculously intricate should make my jaw drop in complete amazement. Instead, my jaw started complaining to my neighbor about how many steps and enzymes we’d have to memorize.
Who is that girl? It can’t be me. I know I’ve never been the best learner, and I often just memorize to memorize. But this? I am learning about the human body, for crying out loud! This is something that fascinates me! Or at least it used to.
Last night, I took some time to revisit some of my favorite Scriptures about God’s involvement in creation.
Dr. Iler (Head of the Chemistry Department at GC) used to open the first day of his classes by reading this verse:
“It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings.” Proverbs 25:2
He’d tell us that we have a royal privilege to be able to seek out the very things that God created for us to discover. “It’s like a treasure hunt,” he’d say.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Janelle T. taught me this verse as a song while we sat around a campfire in her backyard. I often used to find myself humming the little tune (that she probably came up with while washing the dishes) as I studied. I want to hear it in my head again.
“Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare.” Psalm 40:5
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I learned this verse in song form as well, from the Doughnut Man. (Yes, the Doughnut Man). I would shake my little limbs around the room, not really understanding that I was praising the one who created all of my “parts and pieces.” I thought of this verse last night as I studied the attachment points of each upper limb muscle to the appropriate place on the underlying bony structures. Yes, indeed, it is:
“in him we live and move and have our being” Acts 17:28
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I quoted this verse in the journal entry that I wrote after my first week of medical school. I was in complete awe of the opportunity I had to learn so many amazing details about the human body. I praised with the Psalmist:
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:13-14
I anticipated that knowing “full well” would become even fuller.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now here I am, wondering how to find my wonder. Wonder… it has so many subtle meanings…
Wonder… to have a wish or desire to know something
Wonder… the feeling aroused by something strange or exciting
Wonder… to express doubtful speculation
Wonder… to be amazed or curious
I want all of those to be present in the academic portion of medical school. I do not want to be dragged down by the tedium of the mile long to-do list that haunts my weekend. I want to rejoice in the creation, glorify the Creator, and apply the knowledge I'm gaining for the service of those around me.
Sounds like a tall order to me.
For Christmas, Jeremy’s parents gave me this pretty bracelet that is inscribed with the words, “Dreams become reality one choice at a time.”
So today? Today, I will chose to be lost in wonder.
