just keep spinning

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1-3

 

I've recently started attending a spinning class.  Now when I first heard of this, I thought to myself, "How hard can it be?"

For those of you who have never tried spinning, it's basically an intense cardio workout on exercise bikes.  It's an intense hour!  I don't sweat easily, and this class definitely causes me to glisten.  It's a great class.  We have an enthusiastic instructor who makes it really fun, and there are some great girls in the class.  However, while I'm in class, I can't wait for it to be over.  I watch the clock.  My legs burn.  My butt hurts.  Ow.  I can't stop though, because I've made a commitment to going to this class Tuesdays and Thursdays this quarter.  I also really look forward to lowering my resting heart rate as the result of the cardio, and maybe even a more toned pair of legs ;)

I think I've been viewing med school kinda like I view my spinning class.  It's good.  We have great teachers and awesome classmates, but really, it's painful.  Some days I just can't wait for these two years to be done.  I look forward to having the knowledge to bring healing... and also that awesome title of "Dr. Catherine."

I'd just like to automatically have a really awesome resting pulse (and sexy legs), but it takes work to get there.  Luckily for me, I've found a really great class that will help me accomplish my goal.

Likewise, I'd love to naturally be gifted with the knowledge that it takes to be a physician, but it takes work to get there.  I am blessed to have been placed at a school that will rigorously bring me through my studies in a way that can inspire awe and wonder.


Lord, please help me not to wish the moments away.  Allow me to see Your handiwork in each lecture and study session.  Open my eyes to see these two years as a wonderful gift.  Teach me to make every second count, not only for my studies, but most importantly, for Your kingdom.  Give me the discipline and "muscle tone" to see this through to the end with excellence.  And please, Father, make me stronger with time.

Amen.

Status Update

It’s kind of funny how one thinks in terms of facebook. This past two weeks, as I have experienced something, I've automatically turned it into a facebook status. The last two weeks have been rough. Here have been some of my mental updates:

Catherine Weyers is exhausted.

Catherine Weyers can’t keep up.

Catherine Weyers is becoming an insomniac again.

Catherine Weyers is sick.

Catherine Weyers is worried.

Catherine Weyers failed.

Catherine Weyers is lonely.

Catherine Weyers can’t do this.

I would never actually put those things in my facebook status. Too much pride? Don’t want to complain? Eh. I don’t know. This time of transition has been difficult, but it has also been wonderful. I enjoy my classes. I have some pretty awesome friends. I’ve gotten plugged into a Bible study. I’ve received encouragement from places I didn’t expect it. Most importantly, I am often reminded that Jesus’ promises remain true in the moments when I feel like I’m at the end of my rope.

Example:

Catherine Weyers is exhausted.

“My flesh and my heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26

“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:28-31

Catherine Weyers can’t keep up.

“I press on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:14

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1-3

Catherine Weyers is becoming an insomniac again.

"My [daughter], preserve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight; then... when you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet." Proverbs 3: 21, 24

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eteral glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Catherine Weyers is sick again.

“And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years, but no one could heal her. She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped. ‘Who touched me?’ Jesus asked. When they all denied it, Peter said, ‘Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you.’ But Jesus said, ‘Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me. Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed. Then he said to her, ‘Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.’”  Luke 8:43-48

Catherine Weyers is worried.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Catherine Weyers failed.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Catherine Weyers is lonely.

“And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:20

Catherine Weyers can’t do this.

“I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13


Thank You, Jesus.  Amen.

tent

Disclaimer: If this post if found to be offensive to anyone, please inform me, and I will remove it.  My goal was to sensitive, yet transparent.

"Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. We live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad." 2 Corinthians 5:1-10

I had dreaded this day for several years. The day that I would meet my first patient.

She isn’t just any patient. I am not trying to heal her, but am trying to learn from her.

I had spent a considerable part of the previous week mentally detaching myself from touching a dead human, but Dr. Uray ruined that for me. Before heading over to the lab building that dreaded day, we had a lecture in our classroom. Dr. Uray spoke about the honor it is to be gifted with a body, and the responsibility that goes along with it. He read an essay and a poem about the relationship between the student and the body, and between the body and the life from which it came. My mental detachment came reattached. My stomach became queasy, and tears began to fill my eyes at the thought of a stranger giving their body so that I can become a more competent physician.

Only a few moments later, my lab partner slowly unzipped the blue vinyl tarp bag. She has been deceased for awhile now. Her skin was cold. Her eyes sealed shut, never to open again. I noted general body structures, surface abnormalities, and quickly covered her again. I imagined her making that decision in the last days of her life, choosing to serve a girl whom she would never meet in such a large capacity. I then viewed a chart- not her medical file, but merely an excel document that contained the bare details of the bodies that occupied each table in the room. All we gleaned were her age of death, cause of death, and whether or not her family members wanted her ashes at the conclusion of our class. In respect to the patient, these details have been omitted from this reflection.

The experience was both unnerving and humbling.

I've never really had to deal with death. I mean, I had touched cadavers before, but only with their heads covered and chest cavities exposed. I’ve only been to three funerals, but never of anyone extremely close.

My brain kept on wandering back to the beginning of 2 Corinthians 5. The apostle Paul discussed our body as a tent. Something as a sort of temporal dwelling. Definitely not permanent. He says that now our bodies groan, longing to be covered in their heavenly dwelling. This earthly tent is messed up. If it weren’t, I wouldn’t be pursuing this profession. My first patient died of a disease. I wonder if she ever groaned in longing for her heavenly body as her earthly body gave way?

I remember that farther in 2 Corinthians 5, the apostle greatly anticipates his departure from his tent. He seems to emphasize that for those who believe, death is not a scary prospect. It is a hope in a better future, one in which we will discard these aching, temporal, dwellings and exchange them for one imperishable.

Did she know this when she died? I do not know. All I know is that she has left me her tent.




Because the body is only a tent, I am able to glean knowledge from one who has passed. Because the body is a tent- one in which the Holy Spirit dwells, I must bring it to proper health so that it is fit for His lodging. Because the body is only a tent, I do not have to fear death. Because the body is only a tent, I can anticipate a more permanent residence for my soul. Because the body is only a temporal tent, I must inform those around me that this tent is not the end, but that our souls can move on to an eternal home.

This is my body,

The shell of my being

Which is given to you.

In the final offering

To the world

I share the elements of life.

From these old bones,

These ligaments,

My sinews and my nerves

May that life force

That ran in me

Shine forth once more

And pass to you

The Knowledge and the power

That help sustain

The miracle of life.

-Unknown