Reset

On Friday evening, a group of exhausted medical students huddled together outside a classroom.  One commented to the others,  

“What I really need is a reset button, so that instead of feeling drained and scatterbrained, I would be awake and focused so I could start working on finals prep.”

I readily agreed with that statement.  We were all exhausted from the exams of the week.  How on earth are we supposed to feel prepared for the upcoming cumulative finals? 

I entered my weekend seeking a “reset” button.  I ate pizza and drank soda on Friday night, hoping that little treat would give me motivation.  Nope.  I went to bed early, anticipating waking in the morning feeling rejuvenated.  Ugh.  I still woke up in a fog.  I studied with friends in a different environment.  That went a little better, but still I didn’t feel “reset.” 

This morning I woke up to my alarm clock feeling sluggish.   

“If I just ignore my alarm for another hour, I’d just miss Sunday School… I could still make it for church.  Yes,” I reasoned, “God would most definitely understand.  I’m pretty tired and in need of refreshment, and this is really my only day to sleep in before the week of craziness.  He’d probably want me to get my rest.” 

In the stillness of the morning, the Lord reminded me of a portion of the passage that we had studied last week in Sunday School: 

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.” 2 Corinthians 4:16, NIV

“What was that, Lord?  Oh… yes, I remember.  You are the one who does the renewing.  Do You see this?  I'm moving!  I’m going… I’m going.”

Once I was out of bed and on my way, I was caught up in my recently growing anticipation of the church service.  It’s funny how I’m beginning to see church in a different light than I ever have before.  I’m starting to see it as my Sunday School teacher described last week- kind of like a mess hall in the midst of battle.  Typically, by the time you make it to the mess hall, you’re hungry, and maybe even a bit battered.  There’s a cook who dishes out hot, steamy food to those who wait eagerly in line.  You get fed throughout the week while in the field, but sometimes what you get is hit or miss depending on the circumstances, and this is often so much better than your own meager cooking or stale sandwiches.  There’s a triage center for the wounded.  There are nurses and doctors to administer healing words and touch.  Instead of being intermingled with those who share a different battle plan and strategy, you are surrounded by those of like goals and game plan.  There is a place to rest, until it’s time to head out again.

We truly are a "mess" sometimes.  Take this for instance: I’m not typically an emotional individual when it comes to worship, but I was moved to tears as we sang this dear old hymn today at the beginning of the service.  I think I’m going to print it and keep it in the front of my binder this week as a reminder to me Who turns on my reset button.  

“Day by day, and with each passing moment,
Strength I find to meet my trials here;
Trusting in my Father's wise bestowment,
I've no cause for worry or for fear.
He, whose heart is kind beyond all measure,
Gives unto each day what He deems best,
Lovingly its part of pain and pleasure,
Mingling toil with peace and rest.

Every day the Lord Himself is near me,
With a special mercy for each hour;
All my cares He fain would bear and cheer me,
He whose name is Counsellor and Pow'r.
The protection of His child and treasure
Is a charge that on Himself He laid;
"As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,"
This the pledge to me He made.

Help me then, in every tribulation,
So to trust Thy promises, O Lord,
That I lose not faith's sweet consolation,
Offered me within Thy holy Word.
Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,
E'er to take, as from a father's hand,
One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,
Till with Christ the Lord I stand.”

("Day by Day" by Lina Sandell)

If you see me this week, my back might be slightly hunched from bending over my notes and I may have dark circles under my eyes that will progressively become more pronounced, but be not mistaken- outwardly, I may be wasting away, but inwardly I am being "reset" day by day.  Praise the Lord for His work in me!

"The law of the LORD is perfect, 
refreshing the soul. 
The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy, 
making wise the simple." 

Psalm 19:7, NIV 

"Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, 
for his compassions never fail.  
They are new every morning; 
great is your faithfulness. 
I say to myself, 'The LORD is my portion; 
therefore I will wait for him.'"

Lamentations 3:22-24

Parched

<sup>Psalm 42:1-43:5

 1</sup> As the deer pants for streams of water,
       so my soul pants for you, O God. 

 ² My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
       When can I go and meet with God? 

 ³ My tears have been my food
       day and night,
       while men say to me all day long,
       "Where is your God?" 

 ⁴ These things I remember
       as I pour out my soul:
       how I used to go with the multitude,
       leading the procession to the house of God,
       with shouts of joy and thanksgiving
       among the festive throng. 

 ⁵ Why are you downcast, O my soul?
       Why so disturbed within me?
       Put your hope in God,
       for I will yet praise him,
       my Savior and ⁶ my God.
       My soul is downcast within me;
       therefore I will remember you
       from the land of the Jordan,
       the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar. 

 ⁷ Deep calls to deep
       in the roar of your waterfalls;
       all your waves and breakers
       have swept over me. 

 ⁸ By day the LORD directs his love,
       at night his song is with me—
       a prayer to the God of my life. 

 ⁹ I say to God my Rock,
       "Why have you forgotten me?
       Why must I go about mourning,
       oppressed by the enemy?" 

 ¹⁰ My bones suffer mortal agony
       as my foes taunt me,
       saying to me all day long,
       "Where is your God?" 

 ¹¹ Why are you downcast, O my soul?
       Why so disturbed within me?
       Put your hope in God,
       for I will yet praise him,
       my Savior and my God.

¹ Vindicate me, O God,
       and plead my cause against an ungodly nation;
       rescue me from deceitful and wicked men. 

 ² You are God my stronghold.
       Why have you rejected me?
       Why must I go about mourning,
       oppressed by the enemy? 

 ³ Send forth your light and your truth,
       let them guide me;
       let them bring me to your holy mountain,
       to the place where you dwell. 

 ⁴ Then will I go to the altar of God,
       to God, my joy and my delight.
       I will praise you with the harp,
       O God, my God. 

 ⁵ Why are you downcast, O my soul?
       Why so disturbed within me?
       Put your hope in God,
       for I will yet praise him,
       my Savior and my God.

Since moving to Kirksville, I have often felt exhausted, like a deer panting by streams of water.  My soul has been downcast.  Medical school is hard, and I don't always deal with it well.  I always knew that the first quarter would be some of the more difficult days of my life thus far, but I had conveniently forgotten that until a few failed tests jolted me to reality.  As a result, my tears have been my food on multiple occasions.  From amidst my piles of notes, texts books, and binders, I cry out with the Psalmist, "Where can I go and meet with God?"  In the church-hunting process, I remembered the past when I was an integral part of worship.  Now, I long to be a part of such a communal process.  I have thirsted to come away from a Sunday morning feeling refreshed and challenged.


Here I am, craving time with believers.  I am struggling in school.  I am exhausted.  I miss my family.  I feel as though I'm on a roller coaster of emotions.  But to where do I turn?  I study harder.  I call Jeremy.  I cry.  But this thirst, this ache cannot be filled by crammed knowledge or earthly words of comfort.

The Psalmist says, "Why are you downcast, O my soul?  Why so disturbed within me?"  In the midst of turmoil, he remembers to put his hope in God, and continues to praise Him as the Savior from his trials.  He remembers historically of the times that God has been faithful to him.  He reminds himself that God is with him both day and night.  Though he feels as though God has forgotten him, he remembers that it is God who gives him strength.

Oh Lord, teach me to trust in You, as You did Your servant David.  You have been faithful throughout my life, and I know that You will be faithful still.  Please, send forth Your light and Your truth to guide me to the place where You dwell.  Meet me in my studies, where Your creation speaks volumes of Your ingenuity and intricacy.  Remind me that this is not only in Your church buildings, but in me, Your sanctuary.  Bring me to Your holy altar here, in stillness and quiet, and remind me that You are my joy and delight.  

Lord, now that I am beginning to find my place within this faith community, do not let me think that my thirst for You has been quenched.  Refresh me, but only to make me thirsty again, O God, my God.  You are my Rock, and for this I will praise You.  

My soul is downcast, but I will chose to put my hope in You, my Savior and my God.

Amen



*disclaimer: this passage, although an often referenced passage in my Bible the last few weeks, was the focus of the sermon today at the First Baptist church which Melissa and I visited.  I did leave feeling refreshed and encouraged to run to my Rock.  Thank You, Lord!