What do I want to be?

 Reflections on life thus far (well, mostly on the year 2010)

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

For the majority of my life, this has been one of the most frequently asked questions in my life, aside from “Is your room clean?” and “Is your homework done?”  

It seems like the majority of my life can be broken into two categories 1) activities of daily living and 2) pursuing what I want to be when I grow up.

As I reflect on the past year, this has been true to the umpteenth degree.  I want to be a doctor, so naturally, the main thrust of my life is in that direction: Work hard to graduate from college so that you can continue on to medical school.  Work all summer so you can buy a car to drive to medical school.  Make sure that your job is such that you’re gaining experience that will lend towards going to medical school.  Do well in medical school so that you can get into a good residency so that you can be a doctor when you grow up.

 “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Sometimes that question seems a little discouraging.  Yes, I still want to be a doctor.  No, I don’t know in what field I want to specialize.  Yes, I have a long way to go.  Yes, I want to be a wife and mother even though I want to become a doctor.  No, I don’t have a time table for that, so don’t expect me to have a ring on my finger or baby names picked any time soon.   

It all just seems so far off in the distance…

“What do you want to be when you grow up?"

I am sorta grown up.  I have my own apartment.  I live in a different state than my parents.  I “work” full-time.  I pay most of my own bills.  I make it where I need to be, mostly on time and usually unaided by anything other than an alarm clock and my own set of wheels.  My friends are getting married and having babies.  I love a man who pays his own bills and lives in his own apartment and is probably way more responsible than I am.  I guess that’s all kinda grown up, right?  I thought so, but it must not, because people are still asking me this question:

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Maybe instead of getting hung up on what other people ask me, I need a new question, one to ask myself.  Maybe as I approach this new year, I need to look in the mirror and say, 

“What do I want to be today?”

Today, I want to be patient.  

I want to be the one who loves those around me.  

Today, I want to be an enjoyer of the little things.  

I want to be an encourager.

Today, I want be a connoisseur of good food.  

I want to be the one who makes someone smile.  

Today, I want to be more like Christ than I was yesterday.

“What do I want to be today?”

Yes, that’s the question I think I’ll ask.  Then, someday, if I make it that far, I’ll ask it as a doctor, wife, or mother.