Playlist of the Year

Today is an important anniversary.  A year ago today, I accepted my white coat in front of my classmates and my family.  A year ago today, my life was preparing for a drastic change of pace.

It's been a pretty bipolar year.  There are days that I growl and say in frustration, "Why on earth am I a med student?"  But then there are days that I absolutely marvel and say, "How on earth is it that I get to be a medical student?"

I’d love to sit down and reminisce eloquently about the ups and downs of the worst year of my life (granted, I've had a pretty good life, so it doesn't take too much to make it the worst), but I have four exams and a practical next week.  Yup.  Such is the life of a med student. 

As I’ve sat on the couch studying, a play list of songs that have described the last year of my life have been running through my mind.

Really, the playlist began this morning as I prepared for church this morning. I belted at the top of my lungs,

“Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness! Morning by morning new mercies I see; All I have needed Thy hand hath provided- Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!” 

Apologies to my neighbors, but it's true, you know.  His faithfulness has abounded to me over this past year.  Although I don't have time to expound, maybe you'll catch a glimpse through the rest of these musical exerpts:

“You know I’m trying my best to keep my head above the water, I can work this out.
But as my eyes start to shift from the hand that’s reaching out to me, I am sinking down.”  -Sinking, by Blood and Water

I have learned this year that the moment I look away from the hand that is holding me, I begin to flounder.  I don't know how many times this song played on the local Christian rock radio station as I nervously drove to an exam- reminding me where to look to calm the stormy waters.

Along the same theme, Building 429 sings,

“Are you in over your head
Are you in water so deep you're drowning
Do you think you've been left
And there is no one to feel your hurting...
...If you're in over your head
Lift it up, lift it up...

...You never know what faith is
'Til you don't understand
Sometimes it takes a silence
To finally hear His plan

His Grace is reaching for us
His Grace is reaching out
Listen to the sound, listen to the sound
Wherever you are” –Listen to the Sound, by Building 429

My faith has been stretched this year, but despite the tension, it never snapped.  God expands beyond doubts and my limitations, and He has met me in the midst of my trials despite times in which He has seemed silent.

And here, from a song written by my best friend, written out of what has been a rough year for her as well:

"You can’t feel this by word of my mouth
Come and taste it and see for yourself
You’ve got to believe there seems to be more
I know that this appears upside down
That the wilderness is where hope abounds
You’ve got to believe; come be restored" -Praise in the Wilderness, by Pinky Lindell

Who knew that so much joy and restoration could be found in such a miserable wilderness?  Not I!  I have met God in a more intimate way this year than I knew was possible.  I have been freed from hurts from the past, not because of some supernatural spiritual experience, but from the pure necessity of clinging to the Lord despite the hurt.  He has given me wonderful friends and a faith community that have supported me and encouraged me.  Though sometimes it doesn't seem possible, there has been much praising in this wilderness!

I think that Sara Groves summarizes it all quite nicely.  It's been a hard year.  I've been beaten down by exhaustion, exams, homesickness, etc., but I can see how God has been faithful to me, building me into a woman of character. 

 Praise the Lord for His work in me!

“It's been a hard year
But I'm climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it's...

Less like tearing, more like building
Less like captive, more like willing
Less like breakdown, more like surrender
Less like haunting, more like remember

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars and more like
Character

Less like a prison, more like my room
It's less like a casket, more like a womb
Less like dying, more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an ending

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars...

Just a little while ago
I couldn't feel the power or the hope
I couldn't cope, I couldn't feel a thing
Just a little while back
I was desperate, broken, laid out, hoping
You would come

And I need you
And I want you here
And I feel you

And I know you're here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad, bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars And more like
Character” –Less Like Scars, by Sara Groves

Now I'm back to my studies...