Parched

<sup>Psalm 42:1-43:5

 1</sup> As the deer pants for streams of water,
       so my soul pants for you, O God. 

 ² My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
       When can I go and meet with God? 

 ³ My tears have been my food
       day and night,
       while men say to me all day long,
       "Where is your God?" 

 ⁴ These things I remember
       as I pour out my soul:
       how I used to go with the multitude,
       leading the procession to the house of God,
       with shouts of joy and thanksgiving
       among the festive throng. 

 ⁵ Why are you downcast, O my soul?
       Why so disturbed within me?
       Put your hope in God,
       for I will yet praise him,
       my Savior and ⁶ my God.
       My soul is downcast within me;
       therefore I will remember you
       from the land of the Jordan,
       the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar. 

 ⁷ Deep calls to deep
       in the roar of your waterfalls;
       all your waves and breakers
       have swept over me. 

 ⁸ By day the LORD directs his love,
       at night his song is with me—
       a prayer to the God of my life. 

 ⁹ I say to God my Rock,
       "Why have you forgotten me?
       Why must I go about mourning,
       oppressed by the enemy?" 

 ¹⁰ My bones suffer mortal agony
       as my foes taunt me,
       saying to me all day long,
       "Where is your God?" 

 ¹¹ Why are you downcast, O my soul?
       Why so disturbed within me?
       Put your hope in God,
       for I will yet praise him,
       my Savior and my God.

¹ Vindicate me, O God,
       and plead my cause against an ungodly nation;
       rescue me from deceitful and wicked men. 

 ² You are God my stronghold.
       Why have you rejected me?
       Why must I go about mourning,
       oppressed by the enemy? 

 ³ Send forth your light and your truth,
       let them guide me;
       let them bring me to your holy mountain,
       to the place where you dwell. 

 ⁴ Then will I go to the altar of God,
       to God, my joy and my delight.
       I will praise you with the harp,
       O God, my God. 

 ⁵ Why are you downcast, O my soul?
       Why so disturbed within me?
       Put your hope in God,
       for I will yet praise him,
       my Savior and my God.

Since moving to Kirksville, I have often felt exhausted, like a deer panting by streams of water.  My soul has been downcast.  Medical school is hard, and I don't always deal with it well.  I always knew that the first quarter would be some of the more difficult days of my life thus far, but I had conveniently forgotten that until a few failed tests jolted me to reality.  As a result, my tears have been my food on multiple occasions.  From amidst my piles of notes, texts books, and binders, I cry out with the Psalmist, "Where can I go and meet with God?"  In the church-hunting process, I remembered the past when I was an integral part of worship.  Now, I long to be a part of such a communal process.  I have thirsted to come away from a Sunday morning feeling refreshed and challenged.


Here I am, craving time with believers.  I am struggling in school.  I am exhausted.  I miss my family.  I feel as though I'm on a roller coaster of emotions.  But to where do I turn?  I study harder.  I call Jeremy.  I cry.  But this thirst, this ache cannot be filled by crammed knowledge or earthly words of comfort.

The Psalmist says, "Why are you downcast, O my soul?  Why so disturbed within me?"  In the midst of turmoil, he remembers to put his hope in God, and continues to praise Him as the Savior from his trials.  He remembers historically of the times that God has been faithful to him.  He reminds himself that God is with him both day and night.  Though he feels as though God has forgotten him, he remembers that it is God who gives him strength.

Oh Lord, teach me to trust in You, as You did Your servant David.  You have been faithful throughout my life, and I know that You will be faithful still.  Please, send forth Your light and Your truth to guide me to the place where You dwell.  Meet me in my studies, where Your creation speaks volumes of Your ingenuity and intricacy.  Remind me that this is not only in Your church buildings, but in me, Your sanctuary.  Bring me to Your holy altar here, in stillness and quiet, and remind me that You are my joy and delight.  

Lord, now that I am beginning to find my place within this faith community, do not let me think that my thirst for You has been quenched.  Refresh me, but only to make me thirsty again, O God, my God.  You are my Rock, and for this I will praise You.  

My soul is downcast, but I will chose to put my hope in You, my Savior and my God.

Amen



*disclaimer: this passage, although an often referenced passage in my Bible the last few weeks, was the focus of the sermon today at the First Baptist church which Melissa and I visited.  I did leave feeling refreshed and encouraged to run to my Rock.  Thank You, Lord!