This July 4th was the first time that Jeremy and I watched the fireworks in St. Louis. We took the Metro Link down to the arch and settled ourselves among the crowds looking over the river. We enjoyed the show immensely. I especially enjoyed some people watching, observing the interactions of the throngs of people around me.
When the fireworks were over, we joined the mass exodus back towards the city. I historically have a fear of crowds and tight spaces, and so Jeremy suggested that we bypass the first Metro Link, and walk to one farther down the line in hopes that the lines would not be as long and the cars would not be as packed. It was a beautiful night, and I certainly did not want to squeeze in next to more people than I had to.
As we strolled through the streets of St. Louis, I casually hung onto Jeremy’s hand. I sort of recognized the territory. I’ve been a tourist around the arch several times, and I’ve been in the surrounding parks with various ministries.
Cars drove down the street, and their passengers hung out the windows hollering to the pedestrians. Jeremy quickly switched places with me so that he was on the road side. If a sidestreet appeared ahead on the storefront side, he looped around to that side. I felt safe walking beside him.
Even though we were swept up in the crowd that threatened to move us along with it, Jeremy guided me by the hand through the masses in the way we needed to go. He gave me the option of boarding at the next station, or of walking another few blocks. The consequences were different but our destination was the same - with one, I would have to wait in a long line with sweaty people and then cram with them onto the Metro. With the other, I would have to walk farther. Either way, we would end up at his apartment. I chose to walk farther. Of course, Jeremy knew of my fear of crowds and tight spaces, so I’m guessing he knew that’s what my choice would be. Besides, he likes walking with me.
The farther we walked, the more the crowds thinned out. At that point, we were able to have friendly conversation instead of focusing on staying together through the crowd. I didn’t always hold his hand because, well, I didn’t need to. However, when I saw someone that looked remotely shady, I quickly grabbed his hand again.
We also were no longer with a mass that forced its way across intersections. I am very hesitant when it comes to crossing the street in the city. I generally say, “Oh! It says we only have 4 seconds to cross! It’s better to be safe than sorry!” I then wait for the next opportunity to cross. Jeremy, on the other hand, lives in the city and boldly steps from the pavement to the street. He tells me that when he tugs on my hand, I just have to trust him and walk too. That 4 seconds is plenty long enough to cross the street. Sometimes I followed him when he tugged. Sometimes I resisted. Then we both had to wait to cross the street until the next change of the light.
When we finally made it to a less-than-crammed Metro, I thought about how my walk with the Lord is so often like a walk through the city streets. When I am in a familiar state of being, I often casually hold on to the Lord’s hand. When I need guidance, I am more aware of His hand in mine He leads me through the crowds. It is comfortable, and I feel safe with Him in the lead, especially when I notice that He places me in a location of safety. It’s funny though, how I so often drop His hand when I am feeling safe and secure, as if I do not need His hand then. But how quickly I grab it up again as soon as the closest hint of darkness appears on the horizon!
Sometimes He does not say which path I must take to reach my destination, but He gives me an option. He assures me of the known consequences, and allows me to use my discernment to chose. Of course, He knows my fears and weaknesses and strengths, and knows that I will probably pick one path, and He delights in accompanying me.
When the Lord calls me to cross an intersection in my life, I often have hesitations. Sometimes these hesitations put a halt on the progress towards our final destination, but despite my fear, He stays with me. While the journey may be occasionally sweaty, and might give blisters to my metaphorical feet, my Lord walks besides me all the way. We share in conversation, in the cool night air, and in relationship development. He provides me with safety that I would not have without Him and direction that I innately do not have. In the end, we reach a resting place.
Dear Lord,
Thank You for walking with me, and for allowing me to hold Your hand. I praise You for guiding me through the pressuring crowds that could influence my path. I thank You for our conversation that flows throughout the walk. I thank you for the getting-to-know-You moments, and even the piercing questions. Both are necessary to draw me unto Yourself. I am thankful for the safety that You provide. I am not afraid to walk when You are beside me. I am grateful that you pull me off of the sidewalk, even when I am hesitant. I know that You would never put me in a place of direct danger, to “throw me under the bus,” so the speak. I am sorry for the times that I hesitate, slowing down my progress as well as Yours.
I think that the end destination of each leg of our journey together is really all the same- it is to bring You glory. Lord Jesus, continue to guide me along this path.
Grasping ever so tightly,
Catherine
“I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.” Galatians 5:16
So true! A very fitting analogy.
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