Engaged!

We’re engaged!  We’re engaged!  Wahoooo!!!!

One week ago today, Jeremy told me that he loves me and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, and then he gave me a beautiful diamond ring.  I really didn’t need a ring to prove his love for me, but it serves as a daily reminder that someday soon he will marry me!

Did you hear that?  It’s a sparkling, radiant proof to all around me that I am loved by a wonderful man who will marry me soon!  My beautiful diamond serves as a means with which to say, “She’s taken!”  And it is a delightful distraction when it catches the light. 

“Engaged” is such a funny word.  It refers to "being pledged to marry, betrothed; committed, as to a cause; or employed, occupied, or busy" (the Free Online Dictionary).  Well, I guess each definition would hold true to us.  We ARE pledged to be married!  It is the next step in our commitment to each other.  It also means that we will soon be quite busy planning not only this happy event, but also more details of our future life together!

I am so blessed that an amazing man like Jeremy wants me to be his wife!

On my way back from one ‘ville to another shortly after our engagement, God and I had a little conversation about how excited I am to be engaged.  God reminded me of how this excitement that I feel is only a shadow of the thrill of the engagement of the earthly Church (the future Bride) to Christ Jesus (the bridegroom). 

Christ came and surprised the Church with a proposal- He proposed that one day He would take her away to the place where He was making a home for her (John 14:2-4).  He promised that there, He would wipe away her every sorrow, fear and hurt.  With that promise, He left.  But He didn’t just leave her with a promise.  He left her with the seal of His promise- the Holy Spirit (John 14:16-17, Acts 1:8, Ephesians 1:13-14).  Through the working of the Holy Spirit, all around the Church should know how much Christ loved her and that He was coming back for her.  Shining and radiant is the Spirit within Her!  It is a constant reminder that He will someday make her His bride.

As you can imagine, the Spirit is much more useful than a diamond.  He shines within, guiding our path.  His work should prove to those around us, “She’s taken!” 

So here we are, Beloved.  We are engaged. 

Engaged in what, you may ask? 

We are watching, waiting, hoping, praying, preparing for our wedding to Christ, our bridegroom.   While we long for the wedding, we savor this unique season of preparation.

Praise be to God that He has chosen us to be His bride!  How wonderful it is that He gives us good gifts such as the engagement of a man to a woman to remind us of His love and provision for us!  May our period of engagement be not only a time in which we plan a ceremony, a reception, and our imminent cohabitation, but also a time to further our preparations to become the bride of Christ.

Amen.

Playlist of the Year

Today is an important anniversary.  A year ago today, I accepted my white coat in front of my classmates and my family.  A year ago today, my life was preparing for a drastic change of pace.

It's been a pretty bipolar year.  There are days that I growl and say in frustration, "Why on earth am I a med student?"  But then there are days that I absolutely marvel and say, "How on earth is it that I get to be a medical student?"

I’d love to sit down and reminisce eloquently about the ups and downs of the worst year of my life (granted, I've had a pretty good life, so it doesn't take too much to make it the worst), but I have four exams and a practical next week.  Yup.  Such is the life of a med student. 

As I’ve sat on the couch studying, a play list of songs that have described the last year of my life have been running through my mind.

Really, the playlist began this morning as I prepared for church this morning. I belted at the top of my lungs,

“Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness! Morning by morning new mercies I see; All I have needed Thy hand hath provided- Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!” 

Apologies to my neighbors, but it's true, you know.  His faithfulness has abounded to me over this past year.  Although I don't have time to expound, maybe you'll catch a glimpse through the rest of these musical exerpts:

“You know I’m trying my best to keep my head above the water, I can work this out.
But as my eyes start to shift from the hand that’s reaching out to me, I am sinking down.”  -Sinking, by Blood and Water

I have learned this year that the moment I look away from the hand that is holding me, I begin to flounder.  I don't know how many times this song played on the local Christian rock radio station as I nervously drove to an exam- reminding me where to look to calm the stormy waters.

Along the same theme, Building 429 sings,

“Are you in over your head
Are you in water so deep you're drowning
Do you think you've been left
And there is no one to feel your hurting...
...If you're in over your head
Lift it up, lift it up...

...You never know what faith is
'Til you don't understand
Sometimes it takes a silence
To finally hear His plan

His Grace is reaching for us
His Grace is reaching out
Listen to the sound, listen to the sound
Wherever you are” –Listen to the Sound, by Building 429

My faith has been stretched this year, but despite the tension, it never snapped.  God expands beyond doubts and my limitations, and He has met me in the midst of my trials despite times in which He has seemed silent.

And here, from a song written by my best friend, written out of what has been a rough year for her as well:

"You can’t feel this by word of my mouth
Come and taste it and see for yourself
You’ve got to believe there seems to be more
I know that this appears upside down
That the wilderness is where hope abounds
You’ve got to believe; come be restored" -Praise in the Wilderness, by Pinky Lindell

Who knew that so much joy and restoration could be found in such a miserable wilderness?  Not I!  I have met God in a more intimate way this year than I knew was possible.  I have been freed from hurts from the past, not because of some supernatural spiritual experience, but from the pure necessity of clinging to the Lord despite the hurt.  He has given me wonderful friends and a faith community that have supported me and encouraged me.  Though sometimes it doesn't seem possible, there has been much praising in this wilderness!

I think that Sara Groves summarizes it all quite nicely.  It's been a hard year.  I've been beaten down by exhaustion, exams, homesickness, etc., but I can see how God has been faithful to me, building me into a woman of character. 

 Praise the Lord for His work in me!

“It's been a hard year
But I'm climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it's...

Less like tearing, more like building
Less like captive, more like willing
Less like breakdown, more like surrender
Less like haunting, more like remember

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars and more like
Character

Less like a prison, more like my room
It's less like a casket, more like a womb
Less like dying, more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an ending

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars...

Just a little while ago
I couldn't feel the power or the hope
I couldn't cope, I couldn't feel a thing
Just a little while back
I was desperate, broken, laid out, hoping
You would come

And I need you
And I want you here
And I feel you

And I know you're here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad, bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars And more like
Character” –Less Like Scars, by Sara Groves

Now I'm back to my studies...

The elephant in the room

The apostle Paul, speaking on what happened when God sent Christ to earth:


"How can we sum this up?  All those people who didn't seem interested in what God was doing actually embraced what God was doing as he straightened out their lives.  And Israel, who seemed so interested in reading and talking about what God was doing, missed it.  How could they miss it?  Because instead of trusting God, they took over.  They were absorbed in what they themselves were doing.  They were so absorbed in their "God projects" that they didn't notice God right in front of them, like a huge rock in the middle of the road.  And so they stumbled into him and went sprawling.  Isaiah gives us the metaphor for pulling this together:

"Careful!  I've put a huge stone on the road to Mount Zion,
a stone you can't get around.
But the stone is me!  If you're looking for me,
you'll find me on the way, not in the way."


Romans 9:30-33, the Message translation


May we not be like the Israelites, who in the midst of doing, missed out on the life change that comes from encountering Christ.

In Dependence Day reflections

This July 4^th was the first time that Jeremy and I watched the fireworks in St. Louis.  We took the Metro Link down to the arch and settled ourselves among the crowds looking over the river.  We enjoyed the show immensely.  I especially enjoyed some people watching, observing the interactions of the throngs of people around me.  

 

When the fireworks were over, we joined the mass exodus back towards the city.  I historically have a fear of crowds and tight spaces, and so Jeremy suggested that we bypass the first Metro Link, and walk to one farther down the line in hopes that the lines would not be as long and the cars would not be as packed.  It was a beautiful night, and I certainly did not want to squeeze in next to more people than I had to.

As we strolled through the streets of St. Louis, I casually hung onto Jeremy’s hand.  I sort of recognized the territory.  I’ve been a tourist around the arch several times, and I’ve been in the surrounding parks with various ministries.  

Cars drove down the street, and their passengers hung out the windows hollering to the pedestrians.  Jeremy quickly switched places with me so that he was on the road side.  If a sidestreet appeared ahead on the storefront side, he looped around to that side.  I felt safe walking beside him.

Even though we were swept up in the crowd that threatened to move us along with it, Jeremy guided me by the hand through the masses in the way we needed to go.  He gave me the option of boarding at the next station, or of walking another few blocks.  The consequences were different but our destination was the same - with one, I would have to wait in a long line with sweaty people and then cram with them onto the Metro.  With the other, I would have to walk farther.  Either way, we would end up at his apartment.  I chose to walk farther.  Of course, Jeremy knew of my fear of crowds and tight spaces, so I’m guessing he knew that’s what my choice would be.  Besides, he likes walking with me.

The farther we walked, the more the crowds thinned out.  At that point, we were able to have friendly conversation instead of focusing on staying together through the crowd.  I didn’t always hold his hand because, well, I didn’t need to.  However, when I saw someone that looked remotely shady, I quickly grabbed his hand again.

We also were no longer with a mass that forced its way across intersections.  I am very hesitant when it comes to crossing the street in the city.  I generally say, “Oh!  It says we only have 4 seconds to cross!  It’s better to be safe than sorry!”  I then wait for the next opportunity to cross.  Jeremy, on the other hand, lives in the city and boldly steps from the pavement to the street.  He tells me that when he tugs on my hand, I just have to trust him and walk too.  That 4 seconds is plenty long enough to cross the street.  Sometimes I followed him when he tugged.  Sometimes I resisted.  Then we both had to wait to cross the street until the next change of the light.

When we finally made it to a less-than-crammed Metro, I thought about how my walk with the Lord is so often like a walk through the city streets.  When I am in a familiar state of being, I often casually hold on to the Lord’s hand.  When I need guidance, I am more aware of His hand in mine He leads me through the crowds.  It is comfortable, and I feel safe with Him in the lead, especially when I notice that He places me in a location of safety.  It’s funny though, how I so often drop His hand when I am feeling safe and secure, as if I do not need His hand then.  But how quickly I grab it up again as soon as the closest hint of darkness appears on the horizon!  

Sometimes He does not say which path I must take to reach my destination, but He gives me an option.  He assures me of the known consequences, and allows me to use my discernment to chose.  Of course, He knows my fears and weaknesses and strengths, and knows that I will probably pick one path, and He delights in accompanying me.  

When the Lord calls me to cross an intersection in my life, I often have hesitations.  Sometimes these hesitations put a halt on the progress towards our final destination, but despite my fear, He stays with me.  While the journey may be occasionally sweaty, and might give blisters to my metaphorical feet, my Lord walks besides me all the way.  We share in conversation, in the cool night air, and in relationship development.  He provides me with safety that I would not have without Him and direction that I innately do not have.  In the end, we reach a resting place.

Dear Lord, 

Thank You for walking with me, and for allowing me to hold Your hand.  I praise You for guiding me through the pressuring crowds that could influence my path.  I thank You for our conversation that flows throughout the walk.  I thank you for the getting-to-know-You moments, and even the piercing questions.  Both are necessary to draw me unto Yourself.  I am thankful for the safety that You provide.  I am not afraid to walk when You are beside me.  I am grateful that you pull me off of the sidewalk, even when I am hesitant.  I know that You would never put me in a place of direct danger, to “throw me under the bus,” so the speak.  I am sorry for the times that I hesitate, slowing down my progress as well as Yours.

I think that the end destination of each leg of our journey together is really all the same- it is to bring You glory.  Lord Jesus, continue to guide me along this path.

Grasping ever so tightly, 

Catherine

“I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.” Galatians 5:16

Without Ceasing?

Today I lay outside in the sunshine, talking to God about what was going on in the lives of those around me.  We recounted some of the hurts and the pains, the triumphs and excitements of a few special people in my life.  As I mentally skimmed over the rest of my prayer list, I groaned inwardly, not because it was tedious, but because of the pure magnitude of it all.  

“Lord, if we were to do this over my whole list, it would take all day.”

At that moment, 1 Thessalonians 5:17 settled over my brain like a quilt.

“Pray without ceasing.”

“Oh.”  I said.  “I see.”

I'll love you forever

Last weekend, my childhood best friend married her high school sweetheart!  I was honored to be a part of their special day, acting as the maid of honor, cake baker, tulle hanger, linens ironer, and pretty much anything else that needed to be done.  

Out of all of my duties of the week, the most important to me was the speech that I was privileged to give at the reception.  Mary Beth has been such an encouragement to me over the course of our lives that I could talk about our friendship for hours! We have had a unique friendship that has challenged each other "in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity" (I Timothy 4:12).  Instead of rambling on, I decided to share a few (believe me, there were many more!) of the preparations that Mary Beth and I made for our future spouses, long before we knew them, and then to include how Drew came into the story. 

May you be encouraged by their/our story!

----------------------------------------------------------------

My name is Catherine W, and I decided that as the Maid of Honor, I would take this opportunity to give you a little bit of insight to Mary Beth and Drew’s relationship from my perspective.  

Mary Beth and I have been friends since we were born.  I think our first exposure to weddings and romance was when we’d have ceremonies for our Barbie dolls, and we did it mostly because that’s when they could wear their most beautiful dresses.  

Lori, Anna, me, and Mary Beth at Lakeland Park

We planned Mary Beth’s wedding often when we were little- most of the time focusing on such details as ice swans at the dessert table and penguins serving the drinks.  Somehow neither of those showed up here today.

We caught a little bit of boy fever when were in middle school, but not too much.  And while we weren’t your typical boy crazy high schoolers, we did a little planning for our future romances.

Six Flags (jr. high?)

For starters, we made “The shopping list,” which contained the characteristics that we wanted in our future husbands.  We vowed to never date any man who didn’t fit the list.  Those lists developed and matured over the years, as we did I suppose, but one thing didn’t change- we began to pray for the guys what would someday fulfill our dream lists.  It was definitely going to take divine intervention to find a guy good enough hold up to our standards!

"I love my husband- and that's why I'm staying pure!"  (Pure Freedom 2006)

We were blessed to attend several purity retreats, where in we learned that our relationships were an area in our life that we could use to serve Lord.  I specifically remember being lead in a devotional on Matthew 13:45-46, which reads: 

 “The kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls.  When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.” 

This was one of the things in our lives that encouraged us to find out what meant to seek God’s kingdom, as though we were searching for a precious pearl.  And in the meanwhile, we began to learn that we were a precious treasure as well.  At that purity retreat, we were given a pearl necklace to remind us to seek God’s kingdom in all we did, including our relationships.  I'm wearing mine today.

Non-prom 2006

One of the ways were given the opportunity to grow in our relationship with the Lord together was through many trips with our youth group.  

By this point, you’re probably wondering where Drew comes into the story.  That would be now!

Drew (4th of July at Mansker's house)

On one of those trips, our youth group teamed up with the Wesley United Methodist youth group to go on a trip to pack Christmas presents for disadvantaged children around the world through Operation Christmas Child.  I noticed a quieter boy in the opposite youth group, and I asked one of my friends who he was.  She said, “Oh, that’s Drew K.  He’s probably one of the nicest boys in the world.”  

I wasn’t able to attend the following year’s Operation Christmas Child trip, but apparently my best friend caught Drew’s eye, and from that moment, I had to keep my eye on Drew K.  

When we graduated from high school, Mary Beth and Drew started dating.  I had to give him a quiz to make sure that he was good enough for my best friend, complete with multiple choice, short answer, and an essay question.  What do you know?  He passed!  

Another thing that happened after high school was that I moved away.  For some reason, we started signing our emails with the quote from Robert Munsch’s children’s book: "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my [insert the other one’s name] you'll be."

Mr. John's 50 birthday party (July 2010)

While I was away, Drew took pretty good care of Mary Beth, and so because of that, eventually I gave permission him to marry my best friend, and then eventually he proposed to her.

Getting our fingernails done for the wedding!

And do you know what?  We always said that if we were going to get married, we wanted it to be to our best friend.  And if I have to share best friendship with anyone, I suppose “one of the nicest guys in the world” is a pretty good guy to share with.  It has been my joy to watch you two, as you have joined together in seeking after the kingdom of God.  May you be blessed, and may you glorify God and serve Him more fully together than you ever would apart.

My beautiful friend preparing to walk down the aisle

So that being said, Drew, I’m glad you passed my quiz.  Thanks for loving Mary Beth, and for cherishing her as she deserves.

Have you ever seen such joy?!

And Mary Beth Elizabeth K, I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living my MB you’ll be, no matter what your last name is.  I love you!

small scale

Note: I wrote this last week, but due to week #1 of crazy, didn't get it posted until now.  Feel free to time travel back to last Monday.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don’t really even want to count the number of grade-able things that are about to happen in my life.  We’re in the beginning of two straight weeks of testing, with one day even having three tests.  Kinda crazy.

Whenever I have an especially difficult stretch at school, I always say to Jeremy, “I can do anything for ___ days, right?” to which he responds, “Of course you can!” and then he proceeds to make a list of all the things I have to look forward to in the coming days.  Then, as the days drag on, we continue our countdown, and I look forward to whatever breather is ahead.

This time, my breather is even better than it has been all year- at the end of these two weeks, I get to take a super-great elective class, then I get over a month off!  Oh, glory!  I’m pretty excited to go home, do a little traveling, sleep, etc.

I just keep looking forward to what’s ahead.


Strangely enough, on this Sunday before two weeks of crazy, I heard a sermon preached on enduring what’s going on in your life by looking to what’s ahead.

We’ve been studying Romans 12 lately, and our key verse of the day was verse 12:

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”

Pastor Charles defined hope as having “confident, joyful expectation of what you know is coming, but you just don’t have it yet.”  He said that when you’re looking forward to something that is really good, your current circumstances don’t seem so bad.

As he said that, I grinned to myself.  “Ahhh… summer break.  You make me know that I can make it for just a few more weeks…”


But as you can probably imagine, Pastor Charles wasn’t talking about the hope of summer vacation to help get me through finals.  No, he was talking about the hope that Christians have in heaven that helps us see the trials of life in proper perspective.

There are several words that reoccur when Christians talk about such themes: tribulation and endurance.  The word “tribulation” in the Greek connotates pressure or being pushed down.  Oh, how often can that be what life feels like.  On the flip side, however, is the word “endurance,” which basically refers to us being able to push back or stand up under the pressure.

How is hope in heaven able to help us push back the pressure?

Streets of gold and the River of Life and all that stuff is a nice thought, but it’s not enough to give me the will to endure.  We can experience joyful expectancy of heaven because we’ll get to see God in all His glory.  My small brain can’t even wrap itself around what that would be like, but I live in anticipation that I will someday.

Instead of trying to wrap our minds around God in all His glory at this moment in time (I get the feeling that's what I'm going to spend most of the rest of my life doing), let’s look at what a few New Testament writers say about hope, especially during tribulation:

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.  The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed.  For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.  We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.  Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.  For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has?  But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.”  Romans 8:18-25

“But since we belong to the day, let us be self-controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet.  For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ.  He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him.  Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”  I Thessalonians 5:8-11

“For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men.  It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age,  while we wait for the blessed hope--the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ,  who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.”  Titus 2:11-14

“Because God wanted to make the unchanging nature of his purpose very clear to the heirs of what was promised, he confirmed it with an oath.  God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged.  We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.”  Hebrews 6:17-19

An anchor for the soul?  How beautiful is that?  These guys seemed pretty convinced that what is to come completely overshadows whatever trials they were going through.

I think that if we were to examine the character of God without our preconceived notions, we would all agree that His unbridled glory is something to anticipate.  But one question still remains:  Why on earth would a good God allow this to happen to us?  Although this isn’t a complete “why do bad things happen to good people” answer, Pastor Charles suggested three reasons.

1) God will take it as an opportunity to show His glory.

2) It is good for me, not because I find it enjoyable, but because it will, if I let it, help me to become more like Christ.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  Romans 8:28

3) It will give me the opportunity to bless others.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.  For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

When a person decides to follow Christ, they willingly take up the tribulations that come with the job description.

"Remember the words I spoke to you, 'No servant is greater than his master.'  If they persecuted me they will persecute you also."  John 15:20a

In a similar manner, when I decided to attend medical school, I knew that I would be placing myself in a place of great pressure (tribulation!).  This doesn’t stop me from pushing forward, and even rejoicing, because I know that I have hope that one day I will be given the title of Dr. Catherine.  Even more immediate, I know that once I make it through the next two weeks, I will be given the reward of summer vacation.

May the upcoming trials that I go through, even on the small scale of finals week, be claimed as an opportunity to become more like Christ, to be a comfort and encouragement to my classmates, and most importantly, to glorify God.


Lord Jesus, 

The reason that I live is for the glory of Your name.  Oh, how I long to catch a glimpse of Your glory.  If tribulation is what it takes to participate for now, I pray that you will give me the strength to endure.  I ask that You would make this hope that the apostles wrote of real in my life.

May Your name be glorified in my finals week. 

Amen.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”  Romans 15:13