More Than Enough

"Come near to God and he will come near to you."


It's been a two-week timespan that my classmates have dubbed, "The Two Weeks from Hell."  We've had a test every other day (by Friday, we will have had 6 exams in two weeks), along with numerous quizzes, labs, and a standardized patient encounter (patient actors + student doctors + video cameras + grading).


Today I was ready to collapse.  I have two more tests to go, and after getting this last Anatomy test back, I'm feeling discouraged.  I had even attempted to stay on top of the day-to-day lectures, and had studied my hardest all weekend.  I walked into the test bringing my "A game," but walked out hoping that I passed.  I did pass- but only barely.


I climbed into my car to drive home for my extended lunch break and felt my body begin to melt.  I didn't feel like I had any strength left.  What was the point in studying if I barely passed with hours of work?  I had been persevering, but my energy was wearing out.  I was ready to give up.  While sitting at a red light, I cried out to God, "I have nothing left to give, but so much left to do!  You're all I have left now!"


This has not been an uncommon theme the past few months.  If you know me well, you may have figured out that my love language is encouragement.  I delight in giving it, I thrive in receiving it.  Affirmation for me comes not only from others, but also from feedback on my own performance.  Unfortunately, if my exams had words to speak, they would say to me as I pick them up out of my mailbox, "You obviously had no idea what you were talking about.  You think you studied well?  You think you put in long hours?  You should have studied harder, longer, with more focus, like the people who aced me."   My parents, Jeremy, and my host of facebook-encouragers cheer me on, saying "You can do it!" but not one of them can override the hollowness of striving then failing, striving then succeeding, striving then failing, striving, striving, striving...


Perhaps if they tried harder, my void for affirmation would be filled... 


No, that can't be right.

Recently I was reminded of Chris Tomlin's worship song, "Enough."  In it, he claims, "All of you is more than enough for all of me- for every thirst.  Every need you satisfy me with your love, and all I have in You is more than enough."  For every thirst?  What I crave is affirmation.  Are you saying that He can satisfy this thirst?  


More than one night as I've lay in bed, too exhausted to study more, too exhausted to sleep, I rocked back and forth sniffling to myself, "All of you is more than enough for all of me for every thirst..." until I fell asleep.  I awoke, hoping that the words I had sung the past nights would hold true.
(silly me, why wouldn't I believe it to be so?)


Back to that red light.


I cried out to God, "I have nothing left to give, but so much left to do!  You're all I have left now!"   


In the stillness of the moment, James 4:8 flitted through my mind in a calming whisper:  


"Come near to God and he will come near to you."    


"But Lord," I said, "Will that be enough to get me through today?  I'm exhausted and have so much to do.  All I want to do is lie down.  Are you enough to get me through today?"


"Come near to God and he will come near to you."  


I pulled away from that light feeling as though I had met with God.  I began to feel motivated to study over my lunch break and forego my nap.  By the time I pulled into my driveway, my posture was different, my attitude a little less defeated.


Yes, I am still a little nervous about the rest of the tests that I have this week.  Yes, I am still tired.  No, I'm not caught up and there's still much to be done.  


I might not have retained as much abdominal anatomy as I should have this week, but one thing I have learned: 


my God is more than enough for me.  

Lord, please continue to show me that You are not just enough to get me through, but that You are more than enough.  I am sorry that it has taken me this long to come to a point of believing this to be true.  I thank You for bringing me to this point of brokenness so that I can recognize my deep need for You, and You alone.  Be my strength, my encouragement, my purpose, and my hope.  I praise You for the work You're doing in me.

Love, 

Catherine

All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

You are my supply
My breath of life
And still more awesome than I know
You are my reward
worth living for
And still more awesome than I know

You’re my sacrifice
Of greatest price
And still more awesome than I know
You’re the coming King
You are everything
And still more awesome than I know

More than all I want
More than all I need
You are more than enough for me
More than all I know
More than all I can say
You are more than enough for me

All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough