You’d think that I’d never failed anything before. Actually, I didn’t even fail it. I missed two measly points out of six on our OTM technique critique. I didn’t have to remediate, but I chose to because I WAS ANGRY. I wanted those points back. Never mind that I had failed an actual exam the day before I was okay with it. Never mind that I didn’t actually understand the mechanics of what we were being tested on in our critique very well. I’d never missed a point before on a technique critique, and I was really attached to at least one perfect record in medical school.
I strode into the OTM lab at the appointed time and took my place with all the other… failures. I didn’t really want to listen to what the OTM fellows had to say. I just wanted to show them that I more-or-less knew what I was doing and then leave.
(about now I’m starting to sound like an impatient jerk)
As I palpated my partner’s neck and listened to the fellows’ helpful hints on treatment of the C spine, I relaxed and played with a couple of their suggestions as I set up the treatment positions. I realized that I knew what I was doing a lot less than I thought I did. I even had to have a fellow come over and help me walk through the procedure. After a few helps and a few more tries, he even complemented me on my improvement.
In the end, I’m glad that I missed that point. I’m glad that someone caught me and told me that I need to work on this a little bit more. I’m glad that I was forced to be teachable. I’m just a little embarrassed at how much manipulation of my spirit that it took to get me to that place.
This is a great reflection. The biggest mistake that medical students make--and the one that prevents the most learning--is not being willing to admit what we don't know.
ReplyDeleteWhen an intern told me that, my first thought was, "I admit all the time that I don't know the answers!" But then later he asked me what CRP was, and I made up a completely wrong answer. Oh. I guess I do make up some kind of facade. And I knew what I had to work on. :-)