Astonishing

Imagine that you’re listening to your car radio, and the opening notes of a song flow through the speakers.  You know that you recognize the melody, but you haven’t heard enough to identify the artist or the song.  However, that “not knowing” only occurs for a few seconds, because shortly you’ve figured it out and are singing along at the top of your lungs as you drive down the road.

Or imagine this- you have made a check list of important things to do.  One by one, you check them off.  The line has been drawn through the item.  The task is complete.

I’ve always held both of those instances in a place of awe and wonder.  What happens at the moment of recognition?  What sparks that “knowing”?  Why does it strike me in such a profound manner that once I know, I can’t go back to not knowing?  And what happens in the time between making a checklist and completing it?  Matter is moved.  One transcends from planning to having completed.  Once something is done, and done well, there is no reason to place it back on the checklist.

In each instance, I am caught off guard by the brevity of life.  For some reason, it is small things like listening to the radio or slogging through my “to dos” that remind me of the fluidity of our days so vividly. 

Perhaps this is why I was so caught off guard yesterday.  I found myself in a dressing room, selecting new clothing for our honeymoon.  I stood there, staring at myself in the mirror in complete shock. 

“How did I get from the place in which I was convinced I would never be married to a complete confidence that I had found the man of my dreams?  What happened at that moment of discovery?  What sparked that knowing?  And why is it just now striking me that now that I know, I can’t (and don’t want to) go back to not knowing?”

“What happened in the moments between being a flighty girl who was astounded by even the recognition of a song on the radio and becoming a young woman so caught up in her day-to-day checklist that she had not yet been confronted by the absolute wonder that she is about to be married?”

I asked Jeremy last night what happened during those in-between moments.  He smiled, and began to recount the details of when he noticed me, of how we began dating, of our long distance relationship, of our proposal, and now, planning our wedding.  Those moments in-between are sacred.

It’s no wonder that if merely identifying a song on the radio has the capability of leaving me feeling speechless that the realization that I am about to marry someone I respect, love and value should shake me to the core.  Those moments in-between are sacred.  There is a complete awe that comes from the difference of not knowing and knowing.  There is a wonder in the realization that matter has moved, one transcends from one moment to the next.  You can’t go back.  Nor would you necessarily want to. 

Being confronted with the brevity of life and how quickly is passes is astonishing.  But knowing that I now know the man that has promised to love me as long as we both shall live?

 

It is perhaps the most astounding realization of all.